With the close of the Olympics tonight…I have to say I’ll miss three things.
#1… The music (love the Olympic intro music)
#2…hearing O Canada…it’s not the Star Spangled Banner, but I just love it!
#3 …the Proctor and Gamble commercials!
Get me some Kleenex.
The kids, the moms, the touching moments of victory and defeat. But mostly the moms.
Thank you, P&G for these thoroughly enjoyable moments of free enterprise, and also for the great smell of TIDE…best aromatherapy ever.
Last Friday was the most SPECTACULAR snow day in the history of Dallas…who can be expected to sit inside and blog when you can take a walk in the snow? Besides, all the young parents I’m writing to were rolling up snowballs and dressing snowmen.
So Frequent Question Friday has been officially postponed until….today!
Because you had to wait I’m going to give you a doozy of a question. I get this almost every time I speak. If I don’t get it in the ‘raise your hand’ question time, then I usually get it from someone who comes up to ask privately.
Here is the question: “What if I didn’t wait for marriage to have sex, but I think that it would be the very best thing for my child to do that?” “What will I say when they ask me if I waited?”
First of all, please don’t let the fear of this question paralyze you from entering into important conversations with your child. When they are very young, and you are explaining birth and conception, and the beauty of God’s design in reproduction, they are probably not going to ask you if you waited. They may, however, ask when the pre-teen and teen conversations happen.
Here are a few suggestions that I have given parents. They are not perfect, but they may help you think through how to respond to this question. Walking toward your most feared questions instead of running away is very important.
“When I was young, my parents didn’t talk to me about sex. I didn’t understand what it was all about until I already had some regrets. That is one reason why I have been talking to you about this since you were 4.”
“I was not as successful at this as I’m hoping you will be. I got all caught up in pleasing others and not taking care of myself…that was a mistake.”
“Sometimes we learn by our mistakes…I hope you’ll learn from mine, and you will not have to make your own. My biggest mistake was succumbing to peer pressure. If you make some of the same mistakes, my fear is that the consequences for you will be much more devastating. When I was growing up there were 4 sexually transmitted diseases, and today there are 24….but the heartache is probably the same.”
“I totally messed up, and didn’t see sex the way God sees sex. Now that I do…I only want what is good for you. I want you to enter marriage without the baggage that I had to deal with.”
My advice to parents is to approach this with tender honesty. You don’t need to give all the details, and remember…this is YOUR family. You can handle this however you think is best, I just hear a lot of parents panicking about the thought of having this conversation.
Try to remember…this subject is much more about their future and not so much about your past.
Also, that life isn’t always so heavy…snowman anyone?
Next week I get to spend a day with my son who is a junior at Clemson University…and I can’t wait!
My mission is to cook. This is my Valentine gift to him!
Because I love him I will feed him…..some things never change.
I also get to feed several (let’s hope it’s just several) of his fraternity brothers. I’m packing my apron and some favorite recipes, and when I get there I’ll buy groceries, a gallon of 409, and a large box of SOS pads. I have a feeling that before I can cook in their kitchen, it will need to be sandblasted.
Look for photos to come…they may be scary!!
“Is talking about sex a Mother-to-Daughter/Father-to-Son thing?”
No doubt there are aspects of these conversations that lend themselves to that pattern, but I think we’re missing some very important dynamics if we confine ourselves to that.
When our children are little, I don’t think it matters very much which one of the parents explains birth or conception, as long as both of them are on the same page about what the message is. If Dad gets to answer one of those important questions on the way home from his daughter’s soccer game, maybe Mom can fill in a few more details when she tucks her in that night. Parents are sort of interchangeable parts in those early years. Both are very important, but one answering is as good as another.
Once the hormones start to kick-in, however…it’s very important to bond on this subject not only with our same gender parent, but with the opposite sex parent as well. A mother can help her son untangle what seems like a very complicated thing to him…the female mind. Dad can assure his daughter of her value and worth, so she doesn’t need to seek that in risky ways. For single parents, coming at both those roles will be very challenging, and it may help to begin cultivating a trusted role model of the opposite sex for your child.
Please keep these questions coming for our Frequent Question Fridays!
Have a SUPER weekend everybody!
Today I was in a very thought-provoking conversation with some dear friends about how we “connect” with our children. It’s important. It was pretty deep.
Then the conversation turned to how our parents connected with us. We remembered about how fun it was to get silly notes or cards from them, or for them to play a practical joke on us, just goofy stuff. I remember my mom laughing until she wet her pants…literally.
Parenting today is pretty darn serious ( OK…I’m guilty).
Maybe when we find ourselves in these awkward conversations with our kids…there is a time to lighten up . Is there something about sex that we could giggle about? I’m pretty sure that we can hold it in high esteem before God, and yet see how hilarious it is. I truly believe God has a sense of humor…if He doesn’t, why did He give us one?
I’m not saying it’s a laughing matter, I’m just saying…it’s not grim.
Sooner than you Think! 