“Did you wait?”

Last Friday was the most SPECTACULAR snow day in the history of Dallas…who can be expected to sit inside and blog when you can take a walk in the snow? Besides, all the young parents I’m writing to were rolling up snowballs and dressing snowmen.

So Frequent Question Friday has been officially postponed until….today!

Because you had to wait I’m going to give you a doozy of a question. I get this almost every time I speak. If I don’t get it in the ‘raise your hand’ question time, then I usually get it from someone who comes up to ask privately.

Here is the question: “What if I didn’t wait for marriage to have sex, but I think that it would be the very best thing for my child to do that?” “What will I say when they ask me if I waited?”

First of all, please don’t let the fear of this question paralyze you from entering into important conversations with your child. When they are very young, and you are explaining birth and conception, and the beauty of God’s design in reproduction, they are probably not going to ask you if you waited. They may, however, ask when the pre-teen and teen conversations happen.

Here are a few suggestions that I have given parents. They are not perfect, but they may help you think through how to respond to this question. Walking toward your most feared questions instead of running away is very important.

“When I was young, my parents didn’t talk to me about sex. I didn’t understand what it was all about until I already had some regrets. That is one reason why I have been talking to you about this since you were 4.”

“I was not as successful at this as I’m hoping you will be. I got all caught up in pleasing others and not taking care of myself…that was a mistake.”

“Sometimes we learn by our mistakes…I hope you’ll learn from mine, and you will not have to make your own. My biggest mistake was succumbing to peer pressure. If you make some of the same mistakes, my fear is that the consequences for you will be much more devastating. When I was growing up there were 4 sexually transmitted diseases, and today there are 24….but the heartache is probably the same.”

“I totally messed up, and didn’t see sex the way God sees sex. Now that I do…I only want what is good for you. I want you to enter marriage without the baggage that I had to deal with.”

My advice to parents is to  approach this with tender honesty. You don’t need to give all the details, and remember…this is YOUR family. You can handle this however you think is best, I just hear a lot of parents panicking about the thought of having this conversation.

Try to remember…this subject is much more about their future and not so much about your past.

Also, that life isn’t always so heavy…snowman anyone?

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