This Sunday I’m speaking at Park Cities Presbyterian Church here in Dallas. The Church made a great video to let parents know about it… hats off to David Stotts for being so creative, and of course to those darling kids!
The birds and bees are flying all around us…you can view it on the link below…
Enjoy:
Dan in Real Life is one of my favorite movies…Dave & I love Steve Carell…and we were enchanted with the story line of that movie. Just to let you know, and we are not movie critics, but we were very disappointed in Date Night.
Does he NEED the money?
Movies can either be uplifting or a downer, and for all the wonderful touching moments in Dan, there were just as many ‘are you kidding?’ moments in Date Night. That was our take, anyway.
But speaking of being REAL…I have a bit of a confession here.
Dave and I did not do the ‘talk to your kids about sex’ thing perfectly.
I don’t think anyone does.
We tried…oh we tried. But one child had her fingers in her ears, and one child was just a little too busy for meaningful conversations, and to tell you the truth we were doing our best to get more than half of the things done that I wish we had done.
This is REAL LIFE. In real life, you make the best of it, and hopefully have more dinner on the table than on the run. You hope to say the things you’re thinking, but somehow they don’t always materialize in the way you were imagining.
The good news is that we can go back to our children, and ask for a do-over. We can say, “Can I try that again?”…they seem to be ok with that. If conversations don’t go well, you can follow-up with a note or a text, or yet another conversation. Keep trying. KEEP TRYING…they seem to understand that this is a difficult thing for parents to do, and kids are great at giving second chances when parents are sincerely making an effort.
So if we really give it our best try, they can get it. It doesn’t have to be perfect! They pick up on our attitudes, our attempts, and our actions. The saying goes that more is CAUGHT than TAUGHT…and there is some truth in that….but don’t forget to pray.
I’m not saying that conversations don’t matter…they most definitely do, but as we saw in Dan in Real Life, our children also hang in there with us when we fail to do it perfectly.
Thankfully.
Last week it was my pleasure to be a guest blogger for a wonderful site called The Moat (you can see the link…under links!) Just wanted to share it with you all….
For several years I have been somewhat of a coach to parents of young children…giving them a strategy to introduce the subject of sex to their children before the culture does.
Because we live in a sex saturated society, these conversations can occur sooner than parents think…and that can be overwhelming. But step by step I encourage parents to seek out conversations with their pre-k and early elementary children to talk about God’s design, and to wonder and marvel about how babies are made and how they are born. Talking about sex with young children may sound crazy, but talking about seeds and eggs is simple. Let’s go for simple in the early years. Nothing very complicated…just the most basic biology coupled with the values and beliefs of the parents. My goal is to help parents connect with their children on this amazing subject (which I believe is much easier and more effective before the hormones kick in!).
When children reach the ‘tweens’ stage, however, parents need to be ready for some more-than-basic conversations. So what’s next?
One tool I give parents is called the Time Line.
It will help the nearly teen-ager and parents do 3 things:
LOOK BACK, LOOK FORWARD, and LOOK OUT!
Take some time when just the two of you can be together… the best situation is for there to be no other distractions.
The first step is to LOOK BACK on the life your child has lived so far…all the special memories, friends, talents, accomplishments, and moments that are meaningful from birth to age 12 (or so). Run the highlight film of what has been significant to them. What was most meaningful and why?
Then LOOK FORWARD to the far future…if they could write the script of their life, what roles would they play? What are their dreams, and when do they want them to come true? From ages 22-100….or so.. Of course we don’t know how long their life will be, but for the purpose of this exercise, we are considering a long life. When they are an adult, how do they want their life to look? Do they want to get married? Have children? When?
Now, let’s LOOK OUT to the next few years…the teen years…a launching time for their life ahead. A time to be aware of choices, risks, and consequences. This short amount of time can have lifelong implications.
For this conversation; you will need some very high tech tools:
Take the 2 pieces of paper, tape them together, and make a long line.
Put enough notches on the line to include their whole life (we gave our kids 88 years)
Then use the highlighter to mark years 13-21.
Here is what you get:
With this, your child will easily see that the next stage in their life is actually a short part of their life. What we want them to understand is how crucial it is.
There is one more important tool….don’t forget the pencil, because you will want your tween to write down all of the things they are saying. Write them according to the year that relates to that event. If they hope to go to graduate school, or travel to Argentina, or be the next Food Network star…have them write that down on the timeline in the year they would like for that to happen.
Together you have looked back at the life they have lived so far. You have dreamed the dream of their life to come. Now it’s time to LOOK OUT for what is next in their life. They are about to go through some very important changes physically, emotionally, and socially as they transition from childhood to adulthood. It can be a very wonderful time in their life, and we want them to have a positive attitude, but what does your child need to LOOK OUT for?
They must LOOK OUT for the unexpected things that can trip them up. Look out for things that sound like fun, but can ruin their dreams. An unexpected pregnancy, or a sexually transmitted disease or a criminal record will stay with them the rest of their life.
On a more positive note, what can they be doing during these adolescent years to better prepare themselves to reach their dreams? What do they need to practice? Who could be their role models? Looking out for opportunities is also an exciting part of the teen years.
We have had the most incredible feedback from parents who have used this little tool, and I hope it helps you, too!
My friend, Kay Wyma has a WONDERFUL blog for Mothers of Tweens and Teens, and she graciously asked me to be a guest blogger on her site today!
Please visit her blog at http://themoatblog.blogspot.com and you can read about making a time line…
Do you save messages on your phone? The ones I have saved are from the people I love the most. It may be just a “Hi Mom”…but it was the WAY she said “Hi Mom” that makes me want to hear it again and again.
Every once in a while I’ll go back and replay them. Just because.
I’ve kept some from my Dad, and hearing his silly nick name for me makes me feel like I’m still 8 years old. (Don’t you want to be 8 sometimes?)
How does this relate to talking to our kids about sex? I just want to continue to encourage you…to leave a message. Find your voice, and speak to your children about the basic things of life. The beauty and wonder of how babies are made and how they are born. And wrap those simple biological facts with your very own message. Include your faith, your values, your priorities.
Leave a message.
You never know when they will need to play it back!
Sooner than you Think! 